How Active Listening Builds Trust with Neurodivergent Music Students

woman holding her hand up to her ear

In the last blog post I introduced the concept of trust, why it matters and how to start building trust with your students, especially neurodivergent learners and students with disabilities (autism, AUDHD, dyslexia, ADD, and more.)

Over the next several blog posts we’ll look at the many practical ways we can (and should) build trust with our music students- The Tenets of Trust- principles to help guide your perspective and lead you to finding what works for you in your studio! 

The first Tenet of Trust: 

I actively Listen.

As a young teacher, I heard a phrase that has stuck with me for a few decades: Less talking, more playing.

Have you ever heard or thought about this statement, or perhaps even spoken it? It seems completely harmless (and can truly apply to teaching in a positive manner!) but the way it was intended, the premise is this: when students talk during lessons, it distracts from learning and musical progress. It’s a waste of time and we need to cut it short. 

While there are certainly are times when students use talking and chatting as a means to avoid an aspect of the lesson due to lack of preparation, there are so many other reasons why we need to truly listen with our total attention when students talk in the lesson. 

And by ‘listen,’ I mean active, dedicated listening. Not just hearing while we write in student binders/type lesson notes and absently respond with an occasional “uh huh” and artificially manufactured sound of excitement in our voices. I talked more about ways to let students know you’re listening in this blog post- check it out! 

Why does active listening aid in building trust?

Active listening shows and builds an atmosphere of mutual respect.

My lesson environment is based on an atmosphere of mutual respect, and active listening shows respect for my student.

One of the first things I introduce students to as they join my studio is the concept of ‘my turn, your turn.’ This helps do so many things from establishing clear listening/playing/talking time to helping eliminate the possibility for impulsive behaviors, and much more. But most importantly, I tell every student- regardless of age or learning delay/disability:

“In piano, you’re going to have so many brilliant ideas and you’ll be so excited to share them with me! I can’t wait to hear all of your observations and ideas during our lessons, so when you’re talking, I will not talk or play- I’ll be excited to listen. When it’s time for me teach by talking or showing you something on the piano, it’ll be my turn to talk and your turn to listen. *We’ll take turns with each other.”

And that’s it. If I ever have a student start talking or playing while I’m talking, I just gently place my hand on my chest or point a finger to myself and say with a smile, “It’s still my turn.” Then when it’s their turn, I open my arms and point to them and say with a big smile, “Now it’s your turn!” 

*some students with developmental delays or disabilities may need to practice taking turns to see and experience what that looks like in the context of piano, so we do that together as well!

Even though my studio is wonderfully neurodivergent and my students experience a lot of behavioral struggles such as impulse control, anger, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and so many other facets, we rarely have a situation in which “my turn, your turn” doesn’t help reestablish or remind us of that respect. And it works.

It matters how you listen.

When you’re actively listening to students, your facial expressions, posture, attitude, body language all matter a great deal. I remember conversations with people (even as an adult) in which the other person was technically listening, but their body language, facial expressions and entire demeanor screamed “HURRY UP already” or “this is a waste of time” or “I don’t care.” We’ve all done it, and I’m guilty, too. (Especially at stores when folks selling something have an opportunity to try to corner me…I save my unfiltered looks for them 😂 ) 

Our students- neurodivergent or neurotypical- are incredibly insightful, and they can tell if you’re truly listening or not.

💡 Here’s a little tip for you that might come in handy if you have a student who is talking but it’s not a conversation or statement that requires your full attention (an anecdote, story, etc.). During those times, I may need to write in my students’ notebooks or type lesson notes, so I give them something to do while they tell me- like choose their sticker, play with a fidget toy, watch the bubble timer, use colored pencils to circle things in their music, etc. So if I’m busy doing something, they are as well! Then we’re just conversing while we each finish a little task rather than my student feeling as if I’m not actively listening. 

A last tip for you if you find your students talking during the lesson- even if it’s about their current TV/video game obsession, you can learn about your student by listening to them. 

How they think about and interact with the world. 

How they perceive and understand music. 

How they learn. 

And importantly- what matters to and speaks to them. 

You never know how these seemingly disconnected facts may give you insight to how your student learns or how you could adapt your approach, or inspire new ideas to try with them in the lesson! 

Even for us adults, doesn’t it make us feel so validated, seen and heard when someone truly listens to us? I want my students to feel that same validation so they can develop trust for me, and also trust for the learning process. 

If my students feel seen and truly heard, they will be more receptive to trying new things in their lessons, more open to doing things differently, more open to new music– because they trust and know they will be heard. What a mighty impact such a small thing can have on our teaching! As you go about your teaching (or spring break) week, I hope you’ll consider how you can show your students that you’re listening, and notice what the differences might be in your students when you actively, intentionally listen.

Until next time,

Elizabeth 

P.S. A new episode of the Creative Piano Pedagogy Podcast dropped last week on March 17th with an innovative and unique perspective on piano technique for students with disabilities. Check it out here if you’re interested in tuning into that episode or catching up on the others! 

P.P.S. Last thing, I promise- If you subscribe to and read the MTNA journal The American Music Teacher, you’ll see an interview featuring yours truly in the new issue that came out this week!